


No Such Thing as Normal

by DenDragon14



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Children, Family, Family Restaurants, Fun, Gen, Indoor Playgrounds, Playgrounds, Self-Indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 06:46:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18191153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DenDragon14/pseuds/DenDragon14
Summary: It was only supposed to be a family outing for dinner. But somehow, Five had managed to get stuck keeping an eye on Claire as she navigated a way out of the indoor playground area. He didn't expect to have a meanignful conversation with her. But he also didn't expect that'd he'd get attacked by two little kids.





	No Such Thing as Normal

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if this is not the greatest; it is just practice and I wrote this purely for fun!  
> The playground described in this does not actually exist. Most of what is written that describes the playground is what I remember from an indoor playground I went to way back in elementary school. Also, it's been a long time since I've been a child, so I apologize if Claire's dialogue doesn't seem genuine or in character as well as that of the two unnamed children in this.  
> Anyways, enjoy!

It was a supposed to be family outing for dinner, and only for dinner. Somehow though, they ended up at a family owned, family friendly restaurant called Jubilee's. As they all piled out of the mini van, most of them took a moment or two to look at the place.  
  
"Remind me why we came here of all places?" Diego asked. He glanced up at the brightly color block letters on the building, and squinted at the building in confusion.  
  
"The food is good," Klaus said. "And so is the service."  
  
"Claire wanted a chance to play on the indoor playground," Allison said. "And Klaus is right. Jubilee's has good food and service. Among being kid friendly." Luther opened up the foor and held it as everyone else entered into the lobby/waiting area. Upon entering, they were met with a high decibel of pure, utter noise.  
  
"It's....so loud." Five said. All the noise rattled the inside of his brain and he wondered how anyone could tolerate all the sound and ruckus coming from several dozen people. It was rare times like this where he craved the silence of the apocalypse, at least there he could keep his thoughts straight. Here he could barely hear himself think.  
  
They managed to get a table that was furthiest away from the semi-crowded indoor playground. It wasn't much to diminsih the sound over screaming, crying and laughing children. When the waitress came around to take drink orders, it sounded like she was really working her voice to get heard over such a rowdy atmosphere. The food however, was indeed delicious, there was no denying that, but it was a shame that there was no section of the restaurant that cut off from the "family friendly" atmosphere. After most of them had finished eating, Claire wriggled her way out of her spot which was in the middle between her mother and Vanya.  
  
"Can I go play," she asked, turning to Allison. "I'm finished eating."  
"Sure," Allison said. But before Claire could scurry off, she pulled her back for a moment. "Five, can you go with her?" Five glanced up from the water he'd been drinking; his siblings had verbally chewed off his ear, complaining about how he drank too much coffee. So just to appease them, he had settled with water for his meal.  
  
"What? Why me?" Five demanded. Everyone could see how his hand that rested on the table slowly curled into a fist.  
  
"You're the smallest one here, you're the only one that'd be able to fit up in the play area with her..." Allison's words trailed off. "Can you just stay with her? Please?" Five glared at his sister, clearly displeased, and then glared at Claire. He felt his jaw clench in irritation. Stupid thirteen year old body. He sighed heavily and got up from his seat.  
  
"Fine."  
  
Claire led him to the entrance of the playground which was a strange looking set of hurdles that led to a tunnel. Claire kicked off her shoes and bounded on in. Five felt eyes on him and knew that his siblings were watching him, probably waiting to see if he'd freak out on Claire or just back out entirely. Playgrounds were not his thing, they had never been his thing. And even though he was in a young body now, the old man inside groaned in annoyance at the thought of having to crawl on his hands and knees for most of this. He kicked off his shoes and placed them next to Claire's and headed on inside. He felt his hair brushing the underside of the next level.  
  
He scoffed at Allison's words; he might have been the smallest, but he only just fit. For the first little while or so, neither he or Claire exchanged anywords, however, it seemed rather awkward to have a conversation with someone when you were crawling in a maze of tunnels and paths with their butt in your face. He sighed in relief as the tunnel opened into a room for standing. The entire room was filled with swinging punchingbags decorated in hideous shades of green, purple and orange, which all clashed horribly among one another.  
  
"You can still try and enjoy your self," Claire said, finally trying to spark a conversation. She shouldered one of the large swinging punching bags into him, which caused him to fall off balance mometarily and fall into another punching bag. "You always look so mad."  
  
Five frowned at her words; mad wasn't the word he would have used. Annoyed was more fitting he thought; he seemed to be in a constant state of annyoance. And sometimes, that turned to him being mad simply because he was surrounded by morons a lot of the time.  
"I don't really get what's supposed to be fun about this," he admitted. He glanced through the netting that walled in the entirety of the playground area. They were still on the ground level and he was glad that they had worked their way towards the back so their family couldn't see them. He already felt humiliated at being considered or mistaken as a child all the time. Just his family seeing him on the playground equipment unnerved him for some reason or another.  
  
"You have to make it fun," Claire exclaimed. "Use your imagination. And even if your funny old brain doesn't work, most kids like stuff like this."   
"Most kids enjoy climbing around like a monkey or crawling on their knees?"  
Claire nodded firmly. "I think so, most kids my age I know like this."

"This is your normal," he explained. "Not mine. It never has been." Claire shrugged and hoisted herself up into another tunnel. Five followed and whacked his head on the underside of the platform as he emerged on the other side as he stood up. Despite being able to fit within the playground, his height put him at a disadvantage since he skimmed the underside of most of the levels when he stood up. He supposed that this was how Luther felt on a an everyday basis.  
  
"You can make a new normal for yourself," she said. She continued forward through to a path that held numerous lily pad shaped stepping stones. She hopped onto them and they wobbled and twisted as she walked upon them. Five followed her, slightly unsettled at he moving lily pads underneath his feet.  
  
"I would say that I'll never be normal. Normalcy is not in my agenda," he said. He meant what he said; he'd never be normal because that simply wasn't possible when he was able to time travel and his name was Five. No one would deem that as "normal" even though one true state of normalcy didn't exist.  
  
Now they had come to a ladder that led up to the second level. Without hesitation, Claire started to climb. She peered down from the top of the ladder, waiting for him to join her. "I mean, you look like a kid and people treat you like one. So why not act like one?" Five hoisted himself onto the next platform, making sure to stay low so he wouldn't hit his head again. They were on a short, narrow path that led to an open, standing room filled with weird streamers that hung from the ceiling and weird hurdles that led to a set of rope swings that hovered over a pit filled with foam.

Claire jumped the hurdles easily while Five had to mind his head as he did so. He ignored the rope overhead and opted to walk right through the pit of foam blocks and into the next path suddenly shrunk down so they had to get back onto all fours. The path turned into a bridge that led into a room that had a trampoline like floor. Claire happily bounded into the room, bouncing along like a natural kangaroo.

"I'm not a child, Claire. Your mother already explained this to you," he said, his voice shaking as he wobbled across the trampoline floor as her and a few other kids in the room jumped up and down, sending him off balance. The exit of the room had a platform that led to at least three dozen balance beams that formed a crisscross of a maze that led to a strange stet of stairs that required the user to be on all  fours.

"I heard my mom talk about the different types of maturity one time when she and daddy were fighting. She said there was physical and emotional. And although you said you're fifty eight, you don't look old and you don't act it either." Five stopped mid-step and glanced at the small girl who continued to cautiously make her way across the balance beams. She looked like young Allison in so many ways, he thought that perhaps it was the mouth on her too. Allison, he thought, at times, liked the sound of her voice a bit too much. He wasn't surprised that Claire had learned about all their powers from Allison. But she was working on fixing her marriage and fixing her relationship with her daughter, and she had said she'd never keep anything from Claire. He had to admit however, that he hated that an eight year old was calling him out for being emotionally immature. Okay, fine, he'd bite.  
  
"What does an old man act like then, hmm?" he demanded. Claire shrugged. She stopped and turned back to him, her eyes directed skyward in thought. She started to climb the staircase, urging Five to follow her as she continued to talk.  
  
"Mommy said that when you get older, you get hum-humbler and wiser and more continent. You don't seem like any of those to me. You're sarcastic and mean sometimes." He stopped climbing and sensing that he had stopped moving, Claire froze and glanced at him briefly before she slowly proceeded up the stairs. He caught the slightest hint of fear in Claire's eyes, and Five flinched internally at the though that he'd cause someone so young, who was supposed to be part of his family, to be afraid of him. He sighed and continued his way up the strange, brightly colored staircase.  
  
"I admit you do make a good point," he said as he reached the top to sit next to her.  
  
Claire looked at him, eyes wide, clearly surprised. "I do?"  
  
Five nodded and shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm sure if I'd been around more people in my older years, I'd probably be wiser and humbler than I am now. And more  _content_ too. But...don't forget that there is your fair share of grumpy old men and women out there. Perhaps I fit into the category." Claire hummed in response.   
  
"I think those really grumpy old people don't have anyone to care about them. You have my mom and auntie Vanya and all your brothers to care about you. And you care about them."

The stairs led to a short set of slides that led into a ball bit that had tunnels sprouting from it that looped back around to where they were previously were as well as going up to the higher levels. They stopped at the top and stared down at the ball pit in silence. He had to admit that for such a youngling, Claire seemed to have a good head on her shoulders. He hoped that that would stay that way when she grew up. At least she could see that his family loved him; although he'd never admit it aloud, he loved them too, he just wasn't very good at expressing this feeling.  
  
"That's true enough," he said, finally, breaking their silence.  "You're quite smart, Claire, you know that?"  
Claire smiled brightly, one that reminded him a lot of Allison. She giggled. "I know. Will you slide into the ball pit with me now. Please?"  
  
He honestly didn't understand why kids found it entertaining to walk through a pit filled with colorful plastic balls; what was the purpose in that? But from what he'd seen so far of the play area, this area was far by the busiest. After wading in the ball pit for what was deemed an appropriate length of time by Claire, she led the way into one of the tunnels that had opened out onto alternating platforms that led to the highest level.

Somehow, they'd managed to make it to the top level of the play area without too much difficult. However, it was only then that Five found out that Claire was afraid of heights and he wondered why she'd chosen to come up here in the first place when they could have looped around sooner. At the far end of the level there were two slides that went down back to the ground level and although he had attempted to shepherd her toward a slide and avoid looking at the ground three levels below, one stray glance through the safety netting walls was enough to freeze her to her spot.  
  
As he tried to coax her along to the one side of the room or the other, two other kids had gotten to the top of the room and were impatiently waiting to get past the blockage they'd made   
  
"Get out the way," the kid exclaimed.  
  
"Have you heard of manners?" Five demanded. "Or how about you go around?"  Even though the alternating platforms opened up into a room that held nothing except the slides, there was plenty of room to go around. He tried to move Claire out of the way so the rude little monsters behind them could go past. But instead he got a shove to his back.  
  
"How about you move your fat ass before I kick it out of the way." Five clenched his fists angrily as he restrained himself from turning around and slapping the little creep.  
  
He turned around to give the rat a little piece of his mind, only to be met by a sudden force as it made impact with his family jewels. He was glad he hadn't eaten much because he suddenly felt like vomiting as he felt the effects of the kick in his groin and stomach. He inhaled heavily as he dropped to his knees and clutched at his nether regions which now felt as though they were throbbing. He couldn't remember the last time anyone had managed to get a hit in on him. Not even when he'd been in the Commission and had required some minimal training had he ever been hit in the groin.  
  
Despite being on the ground, unarmed and clearly unable to defend, these two hooligans decided that kicking him in the family jewels wasn't enough since these two little punks continued to kick at him with their socked feet.  
"Leave him alone!" Claire exclaimed, breaking out of her paralyzing fear of being up so high. She pushed one boy out the way, who pushed back while the other diverted his attention from Five to pull at her hair. Five shoved the kid away from her with one hand and then motioned for Claire to take the slide before the little brats could do anymore harm.

* * *

Finished eating and with all their meals paid for, everyone was just waiting for Five and Claire to come down from wherever the hell they were in the indoor jungle gym.  
  
"I think there's fighting going on up there," Diego said, motioning to the top level of Allison and the others all turned their eyes skyward to where they could see some sort of commotion going on through the safety netting. It was a short lived fight, since it seemed like most of the parties involved escaped through the slide that led back down to the ground.  
  
"Who wants to bet that Five's involved," Klaus asked. He turned to the empty spot beside him. "You can't place a bet, Ben. I can't get money from a ghost."  
  
"He gets into a fight everywhere we go," Luther said, exasperated. "Just once I'd like to go out in public without anyone getting into a fight."  Allison made her way over to the slide, and waited to see who exited the slide.  Claire came sliding out feet first, followed by Five head first who was then followed by two other kids. Claire ran over to Allison and wrapped her arms around her.  
  
"Are you okay?" Allison asked. She pulled back and held Claire at arms length and examined her for any injuries. "What happened up there? It looked like there was a fight up there."  
  
"I'm okay." She pointed over to Five, who was curled up at the base of the slid. He still had a hand clasped over his crotch, and a pained expression on his face. "But they kicked Five in the no-touch area."  
  
"The no-touch...." Allison's words trailed off as she made the connection between one of the child terms for genitals. She'd seen her fair share of fights when she was younger and more often than not, it usually resulted in someone getting hurt. Most often Luther or Diego. And with only Vanya as a sister, she'd seen firsthand how a mis-aimed (or well aimed, depending on how you saw it) blow to the crotch could down one of her brothers for nearly twenty minutes, perhaps longer depending on how hard they were hit.  
  
Diego had shooed away the two little gremlins who'd have thought it be fun to continue to torment Five while he was curled in on himself.  
"You okay, buddy?" he asked to which he got a pained groan in response. Diego hoisted Five slowly to his feet and sat him down at a nearby bench. He was helping Five get his shoes back on when a middle age woman came up to them. She looked upset and from the way the two little hooligans were standing a nearby, Diego made an assumption that this was the boys' parent.  
  
"I'm so sorry," the woman exclaimed. "Is your son alright?"  
  
"Your kids needs to learn some manners," Diego said, completely bypassing the woman's question. "He can't go around kicking people for no reason." Five groaned in agreement.  The woman nodded frantically and muttered another apology before she walked off towards her boys. Even though it was still relatively loud in the area, both Diego and Five could hear this mother as she scolded her boys, who alternated between glaring at Five angrily and giving scared expressions as their mother threatened them with a punishment of extra chores.

After the pain had worn off slightly and Five was able to walk without feeling a horrible pain in his crotch, everyone else filed outside to pile back into the minivan. There was a moment of silence as everyone strapped on seatbelts.  
  
"So...did you have fun?" Klaus asked before Diego started the engine. Five turned and glared at his brother. Diego started up the engine, breaking the tense silence with the lyrics to a Queen song.

"No, Klaus, I did not have fun."  
  
'I did!" Claire exclaimed from her spot in the back. She turned to her mother. "Five said I was smart!"

"Aww, did you really?" Allison asked. "That's so sweet."  
  
"Yeah," Klaus crooned in the same maternal voice. "It is so sweet."  
  
"What did you two even talk about," Diego asked. "I mean, how deep can an eight year old be?" Five ignored the question and resorted to looking out the window. His thoughts wandered back to what Claire had said about starting a new normal and acting like a kid since he already looked the part. He had to admit that it was enticing, to say the least, but he didn't want to be considered an inferior simply because of his "age". He was too smart for his siblings any day of the week. 

For now, at least, he'd keep his sense of normalcy. Perhaps, if he learned to stop caring what other people thought of him and the assumption on how his physical age correlated with his mental age, then maybe he'd give a new normal a change. Until then...he was still fifty-eight trapped in a young teen's body.

"That is the last time I go on a playground."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed. Sorry about any errors or typos! I love comments and kudos; they're all appreciated. This short little story was basically to dip my toe in the water to see how I write these characters. I'm hoping to write more in the future!


End file.
